Dearest Jake,
You are both my respected colleague and beloved friend, but unfortunately I'm going to have to vehemently disagree with you on this one. This movie looks about as entertaining as two elderly sea turtles trying to get it on (actually come to think of it, that would probably be a lot more hilarious and entertaining than this guaranteed $10 down the porcelain throne). The sad truth is, Jackie Chan hasn't been in a respectable or marginally entertaining movie since Rush Hour 2* (Exhibit A. The Forbidden Kingdom: Jet Li + Jackie Chan + In the same movie = theoretically awesome, but turned out to be one of the worst disappointments since MJ's basketball comeback with the Wizards... both of which lead me to ask the question of whether or not there is actually a God, but that's another BSR Blogpost for another time). Also a crapton of people wrote off Jackie Chan for being racist against Chinese people a while back (I think he said something about Chinese people having to be controlled by their governments). He's a few derogatory slurs short of a Kramer, but Jackie Chan has sadly become nothing more than another past-his-prime movie whore willing to take any script thrown his way so long as he can take out a few uncoordinated henchmen with an assortment of random household objects (I wonder what he'll use this time... a Chip-Clip?) and speak in a patronizingly foreign accent. Come on, The Spy Next Door (2010)? I haven't seen a once-respectable human being get owned like this since Vin Diesel was in The Pacifier. Godamm action movie whores with limited theatrical abilities... will somebody please just make Shanghai Noon 3: Culturally Opposite Individuals Promote Diversity In Cowboy Outfits?
Sorry about the tangential blogpost, but Jackie Chan has royally pissed this disgruntled Asian BSR intern off,
Emperor Peng
*I forgot that Jackie Chan actually had two lines as Monkey in Kung Fu Panda... great movie, my bad guys.
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